ONSKI'S WORLD

Brings a tear to the eye.... The scene is set, a dark night, cold wind blowing, campfire flickering, stars twinkling in the dark sky. Three hang-glider pilots sitting by the campfire, one from Australia, one from South Ifrika and one from New Zulland. Each embroiled in the bravado for which they are famous. The night of tales begins.. Kiven the Kiwi says, "I must be the meanest, toughest, heng glider pilut there es. Why, jist the other day I linded in a field and scared a crocodeal, who came out of the swamp and ate sux min who were standen close by. I grebbed the crocodeal and wristled him to du ground and killed em with my beer hends". Hansie from South Africa who typically can't stand to be bettered said, "Well you guys, I lended orfter a 200 mile flight in my heng glider on a tiny trail, and a Nambian snike slid out from under a rock and made a move on me. I grebbed de borsted with me bare hinds and beet it's head off end then sucked the poison from it's ...

The truth about Chocolate --------------------- Chocolate is extracted from the beans of the cocoa plant Beans are a vegetable --------------------- Sugar is extracted from sugar beat. The Sugar beat is a vegetable Therefore chocolate is a vegetable --------------------- Let´s spin the theory further: Chocolate bars contain milk. Therefore chocolate bars are healthy!!! --------------------- Raisins, cherries, orange peels and strawberries are in chocolate They belong to the fruit family, so eat as much as you like. --------------------- Chocolate is good for stress Just think : "STRESSED" read backwards means: "DESSERTS" --------------------- If you dont eat chocolate you run the risk of ending up like this: THANKS TO H.A. for this post that arrived in my inbox in a slideshow and I was able to extract the contents to my website. Also a big shout out and thanks to the creator of the slideshow, hope you dont mind your work being on my site. Cheers Mr Onski....

You are so in my bed. Poor Doggie. The doggies revenge. Look what happens if you steal the doggie bed, beware cats. Looks like Mr Costello is getting the top job after all. If you laugh at this picture your a bad person.(I guess I am a bad person)

One of the funniest pictures I have seen in my life this is. It was passed to me from a friend a few months back and I just found it so cute and adorable it had to go on my site. For peoples information it is not my doggie Ralph but I am tempted to dress Ralph up like Yoda now, if only he stayed still for 1 minute. If anyone has information to the owner, breed or anything about this dog please leave a comment below. From what I can see he/she looks like a Spoodle (Cocker Spaniel/Poodle), or maybe a new breed a Yodoodle (Yoda/Poodle).

An elderly man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favourite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning on the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs. With labored breath, he leaned against the door-frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies. Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of love from his devoted Aussie wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man? Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in rumpled posture. His aged and withered hand trembled towards a cookie at ...

Smart Ass Answer #5: A flight attendantwas stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat....she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub." Smart Ass Answer #4: A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead." Smart Ass Answer #3: The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said.The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket. Smart Ass Answer #2: A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that read...

It is just before the England v Brazil match. Ronaldinho goes into the Brazilian changing room to find all his teammates looking a bit glum. "What's up?" he asks. "Well, we're having trouble getting motivated for this game. We know it's important but it's only England. They're sh*te and we can't be bothered." Ronaldinho looks at them and says, "Well, I reckon I can beat them by myself-you lads go down the pub." So Ronaldinho goes out to play England by himself and the rest of the Brazilian team go off for a few jars. After a few pints they wonder how the game is going, so they get the landlord to put the teletext on. A big cheer goes up as the screen reads "Brazil 1 - England 0 (Ronaldinho 10 minutes)". He is beating England all by himself! Anyway, a few pints later and the game is forgotten until someone remembers, "It must be full time now, let's see how he got on." They put the teletext on. "Result fr...

DAVEM'S 30th BIRTHDAY - CARTOON THEME!!! When: 5th August 2006 Where: Rosstown Hotel, Carnegie - The Main Bar Why: DaveM's 30th Birthday So why am I writing about the above event? It is simple really, Shrek and Fiona. You know who they are, the big lovable green ogre and his wife the Princess. But whats the relevance to DaveM's birthday? Well DaveM had a costume party and Shrek and Fiona were there. To be honest Shrek was really DanM and Princess Fiona was JoM. How good do they look? I am also impressed with the effort of some of the other costumes too. AndyM was 'The Mask', DaveM was 'The Phantom', Fred Flinstone was there, Wonder Woman & Cat Woman too, the list goes on, great effort on everyones part. Below are some pictures of the night: DanM & JoM as Shrek and Princess Fiona DanM, DaveM, BecM & MrBecM (sorry dude forgot your name) The lovable big ogre Shrek. Miss AndyM, AndyM, JoM, DanM, BecM & MrBecM

PRIZES TO BE WON!!! Heres the deal folks: I am part of a club of elite men known only as 'The Jokers'. Too be honest I am part of a sub-section of 'The Jokers' that are well known as the Road Trip Crew. They have had some memorable trips around OZ that in time may be added to this site. But for now I have been handed some very valuable information, a picture in fact. Now I need your help, should I reveal the picture on this site or not? I have posted part of the picture but I need a vote to say whether I should post the entire picture face and all. Leave your comments at the bottom of this post with your name, 'Show It' or 'Dont Show It' and why. All entries will go into a draw for a random prize, feel free to enter as many times as you like. Competition closes: Wednesday 9th August @ 12Midday . Get your entries in now. Well the votes have been counted and we have a huge win for the 'Show it'. So folks here it is!!! And there wasa competition run...