ONSKI'S WORLD

A guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub. Two blonde genies appear, and they tell him he has been granted three wishes. The guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear. The next thing the guy knows, he's in a bedroom, in a mansion, surrounded by 50 beautiful women. He makes love to all of them and begins to explore the house. Suddenly he feels something soft under his feet. He looks down and notices the floor is covered in $100 bills. Next, there's a knock at the door, so he answers it. Standing there are two persons dressed in Ku Klux Klan outfits. They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over a sturdy limb, and hang him by the neck until he's dead. As the Klansmen are walking away, they remove their hoods.It's the two blonde genies! One blonde genie says to the other, "I can understand the first wish--having all those beautiful women in a bi...

An elderly couple had been dating for some time. Finally they decided it was time for marriage. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on. Finally the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship. "How do you feel about sex?" he asked, rather trustingly. "Well," she said, responding very carefully, "I'd have to say I would like it infrequently." The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment. Then, looking at her over his glasses, he gazed into her eyes, asking optimistically: "Was that one word or two?"

A new website has been setup to triangulate mobile phones, much like you see on the TV Show 24. It is free and all you need to do is type in the phone number you are trying to track and the country. It does some fancy stuff and finds your result. Check where your partner is at any time. www.track-your-partner.com

All images thanks to MW, MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

This is one of the best singles ads ever printed in a newspaper. It was listed in the Sydney Morning Herald. SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work ... Wearing only what nature gave me. Call 0404 875 620 and ask for Daisy, I'll be waiting. Over 15,000 men responded And found themselves talking to the Sydney Humane Society about an 8-week-old black Labrador retriever female. Thanks MW for this input.

I just relay this one, I am not responsible for it. (Its a JOKE!!) Thanks to MW for the input.

Some more funny pictures thanks to MW (AKA Mum)

Thanks to MW (aka Mum) for these funny photos.