ONSKI'S WORLD

SWEEDISH BAR ENGLISH BARS

I was at the mall the other day eating at the food court, when I noticed an old man watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colours: green, red, orange, and blue. The old man kept staring at him. The teenager would look and find the old man staring every time. When the teenager had enough, he sarcastically asked, "What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life? The old man didn't bat an eye in his response, "Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son."

Actual Writings on Patient Hospital Charts 1. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night. 2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. 3. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared. 4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed. 5. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993. 6. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission. 7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful. 8. The patient refused autopsy. 9. The patient has no previous history of suicides. 10. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital. 11. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40-pound weight gain in the past three days. 12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch. 13. She is numb from her toes down. 14. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home...

Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together, discussing how important their children are. The first one tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him "Father." The second Catholic woman chirps, "Well, my son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Grace.'" The third Catholic woman says smugly, "Well, not to put you down, but my son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say 'Your Eminence.'" The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence. The first three women give her this subtle "Well...?" The fourth lady replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6' 2," hard bodied, well-hung, male stripper. Whenever he walks into a room, women say, "My God!!

The following is a letter a man sent to his wife My Dear Wife, You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 54 years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel. Please don't be upset - I shall be home before midnight." When the man came home late that night, he found the following letter on the dining room table: "My Dear Husband, I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about me being 54 years old. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old. As you know, I am a maths teacher at our local college. I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, one of my students, who is also the assistant tennis coach. He is young, virile, and l...

We need: - One egg and 2 mobiles - 65 minutes to call from one phone to the other - Set up something like in the graphic We'll initiate the call between the mobiles to last for 65 min's approximately. Nothing will happen on the first 15 minutes... After 25 minutes the egg starts warming up... After 45 min's the egg is already hot... and after 65 min's the egg is cooked. Conclusion: If the microwave radiation emitted by the mobiles is capable to modify the proteins in the egg. Imagine what it can do with the proteins in our brains when we talk through the mobiles. Onski's Conclusion: This was a test designed by the phone companies to get people making 65 minute phone calls.

When feeling very hungry, you should pay restaurant Waldgeist in Hofheim a visit. They will serve you the biggest Schnitzel. The plates in the following pictures are the size of a pizza-plate! This all for very affordable price. Every table has rolls of foil, ready to be used. Those that have to use the foil are considered cowards. Drinks are, unless otherwise ordered, served in 2-liter glasses and their bestseller is “Der Bembel des Todes ” a 5-liter glass filled with Bacardi-Cola for only 35 Euro. But if you dont like schnitzel fear not, maybe the sausage is more your liking? Thanks to DT for this Giant Food post.

Thanks to DT for these classic albums, and a few that Onski threw in along the way. Also as seen on The Footy Show.