Thursday, March 04, 2010

And then the fight started

My wife sat down  on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.

She asked,  'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'

And  then the fight started...

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My  wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we  were in bed.

I turned to her and said,  "Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.
I then  said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this  time, simply saying, "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a  friend."

And then the fight started....

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Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my  lunch, grabbed dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out  into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I  pulled back into the garage, turned on theradio, and discovered  that the weather would be bad all day.

I went back into the  house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up  to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and  whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

My loving wife  of 10 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out  fishing in that?"

And that's how the fight started...

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I  rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how  sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem  funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT  HAPPY!!!"
So, I looked down at him and said, "Well,  then which one are you?"

And then the fight started.....

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My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about  3 seconds.'
I bought her some bathroom scales.

And then the fight started...

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When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her  someplace expensive... so, I took her to a gas station.

And then the fight started...

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After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply  for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for  my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and  realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was  very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back  later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my  shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver  hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my  Social Security application
When I got home, I excitedly told my  wife about my experience at the Social Security office.

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have  gotten disability, too.'

And then the fight  started....

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My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school  reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as  she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked,  'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I  understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many  years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober  since.'

'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

And then the fight  started...


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I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason,  took my order first.

"I'll have the strip steak,  medium rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad  cow?""
Nah, she can order for herself.."

And then  the fight started....

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A  woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not  happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible;  I look old, fat and ugly.

I really need you to pay me a  compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near  perfect.'

And then the fight started.....

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