Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Australian Tourism

An Australian tourism site has recently posted some of the most beguiling questions received by potential travellers to our fair shores, as well as potential answers. Any of these sound familiar?

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I've never seen it rain on TV. How do your plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all of our plants fully grown and then sit around watching them die.

Q: My wife and I enjoy walking tours. How long will it take us to get from Perth to Sydney on foot? (Canada)
A: How long did it take you to do your last 4,000 kilometre walk? Bring a bottle of water.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? If so, can you send me a list of all of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: What is the weather like in Vienna in May? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney, and is milk available year-round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful nation of vegan hunters and gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Are the rattlesnakes in Melbourne deadly? Do you sell anti-venom at the grocery store? (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-mer-i-ca, which is where you come from. Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make great pets.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? If so, when? (France)
A: Occasionally, and if so than during our Christmas annual leave.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go in Australia? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.

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