Friday, January 19, 2007

New Life for Sale

There is a dude on ebay selling his life, check it out at: http://cgi.ebay.com.au/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=110078904033#description
or read below. It was sitting at $150,000, but I think he has has a few dodgy bids (surprising) and it is now at $30,700. Maybe it is a scam to get people to visit his myspace site:
http://www.myspace.com/nicaelholt (You owe me for the link Nicael),
I might do the same for people to visit this site. Yeah!!!
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This auction is for a New Life in the coastal town of Wollongong, Australia of a 24 year old male.
It includes the following:
Winning bidder will take ownership of my:
  • Name
  • Phone number

All my possessions which includes the following

  • Clothes
  • Roughly 300 CDs
  • Surfboard
  • Laptop (minus certain information with my discretion),
  • Pushbike (Has wonky handlebars, may need some work)
  • Books,
  • Bed
  • CD player
  • Backpack
  • Tennis racquets
  • Golf Clubs(which you will have no idea how to use)
  • Childhood photos
  • Skateboard
  • Nice lamp which your ex-girlfriend bought you.

I will teach you my skills which include the following:

  • Surfing (Expert)
  • Climbing (Intermediate)
  • Skateboarding (Novice)
  • Handstand Skills (Expert)
  • Fire Twirling Skills (Intermediate)
  • Devil Stick Twirling (Expert)
  • (Plus many more)

Will introduce to all my friends & potential lovers (around 8 which I have been flirting with)

  • I have around 15 close friends and around 170 other friends
  • I have 2 nemeses.
  • Lifestyle is very social. It includes a lot of going out.

NB: Friends will treat you exactly as they have treated me. This includes friends who take me surfing, running, climbing and cook for me. All of these features will be transferred over to the winning applicant.

Life also includes the following features

  • Will have access to a cruisy job in march delivering fruit.
  • You will write a satirical horiscope in the University of Wollongong Magazine.
  • You will have new parents to have Christmas with & birthday presents from friends.
  • A birthday party will also be organised for you.

This auction also includes the following

A 4 week training course by the former me which includes the following:

  • Many anecdotes and stories from a very interesting and intriguing past 24 years of my life
  • 6 Jokes
  • Training in becoming me (fashion, food, lifestyle, style of seduction, interests)
  • Haircut like mine
  • Piercings to the value of $180.
  • Lessons in my personal history (The good stuff and the bad stuff)
  • Skills Lessons (as mentioned above)

NB: After the 4 week training winning bidder will also receive 2 months of on-call support.

Please note the following

  • A friend owes me $20. Another friend owes me a six-pack of beer which you can redeem upon winning the bid.
  • The winning applicant should probably shout the next $20 worth of weed.
  • Will need to become vegetarian. This can however be changed in the future.
  • There is some tension with a former ex from a painful breakup which must be inherited.

I will endeavor to take on a new identity freeing up my prior identity to the winning applicant. Any contact with my former life will be under a different persona. Only people who will make a full attempt to embrace my life need apply. Serious bidders only please.
Male or Females welcome (My name is gender neutral) Good Luck!

PS.Please note winning bidder does not receive ownership of the following:

  • Degrees/qualifications
  • Drivers License
  • Passport
  • Future Inheritance
  • Formal/Legal Identity
  • (This is more of a social life and mentality as opposed to a new legal identity)

    On 16-Jan-07 at 19:01:11 AEDST, seller added the following information:
    Just to clear up any confusion; because the actual seller is computer illiterate I am acting as an agent for him. Therefore I (Paul) am not the actual seller. The actual sellers name is Nicael and he is my housemate. I am just acting on behalf of him and answering any queries that need answering.

    Also please note that a documentary is being made so anyone who wins this bid will need to participate in the doco.

    Cheers
    Paul

    On 17-Jan-07 at 14:58:42 AEDST, seller added the following information:
    Hey everyone this is Nicael. There seems to be some confusion, Paul is the friend of mine who's e-bay account i used to post the sale as i dont have my own account (not really understanding computers apart from word, even struggle with that most of the time.) He has thus far been answering questions for me as i have been a little lazy, a state of affairs i will now rectify as this thing is becoming a monster. It should be noted that so far Paul's answers haven't been run by me, but he's having fun so who cares. I'm going to try to answer as many of your questions personally from now on as i can but there are that many questions being submitted that i'm bound to miss some. sorry about that.

    I'm also just now trying to start a my space site, hopefully be ready this evening. I'll chuck on some footage and some explanations as to whats going on... Anyway hopefully this will answer a lot of your questions.
    On 18-Jan-07 at 13:06:18 AEDST, seller added the following information:
    Hi everyone. I have just removed a bid which was not legitimate. Please note carefully. THIS IS A SERIOUS BID FOR SERIOUS BIDDERS ONLY. The winner of this eBAY auction enters into a legally binding contract. The final bid will be enforcable by law. I have been in contact with ebay and they will be assisting in the transaction once bidding has closed. Good luck all and happy bidding! Paul

    On 18-Jan-07 at 21:45:19 AEDST, seller added the following information:
    PLEASE NOTE: Due to a number of fake bids on this item, ALL NEW BIDDERS must email me their phone number within 10 minutes of placing a bid. Any bidders who don't provide contact details will have their bids cancelled. This is just to confirm the legitimate bids, and of course your number will be kept private. Good luck bidding!!!

    Questions and Answers.

    Q:Whats the link to your Myspace page?
    A:Hi. I just put a myspace up. Its http://www.myspace.com/nicaelholt

    Q: Hi, What is your full name? I think its only fair that I know that before the potential purchase of this identity. What if I don't like your middle and surname? Can I change it by depoll? Thanks. Matilda
    A:My full name is Nicael Holt.

    Q: Hey. Is your name, Nicael, pronounced like Michael with an N, or is it like Nick-ale?? This is a determining factor for me in deciding if I want to bid, cos I dont mind if its like Nick-ale but I'm not so fussed about Nycle.
    A: Hi. It is pronounced Nick-ale. Thanks for you interest and happy bidding!

    Q: Hi, someone who has gutts. this is sounding to good are there any but's or cons etc. Also I'm a girl so can I date your male mates? Thanks Hans
    A: if you want to turn a friend into a lover thats your call. It's sort of your life.

    Q: I notice that you have made some past purchases on ebay. do i get them too? also what will you wear if i own all your clothes? are you going to change your name because i dont want to share my new name with someone such as yourself with no past? what is your local pub? do i really have to write for the tert? it kinda sucks?
    A: i cant beleive your prejudice against people with no past. thats harsh and pastist. i was thinking i'll probably just wrap myself in a sheet and cruise down to the local second hand store for some sweet new clothes with the money i get for my life. local pubs are the ox and north gong, but never on a sunday. i've only been writting for the tert a small time, but i think the last few issues have been rockin.

    Q: Any outstanding debts? HECS etc.?
    A: i have a huge HECS but debts are not inherited...

    Q: If the buyer gets pissed off with being you at any time, it's really gunna screw up your ebay rating, or do they inheret you ebay nick and feedback, and if a chick wins, do they have to keep flirting with your potential girlfriends or can they turn you gay?
    A: Hey this is Nicael. I've advertised this on a friends e-bay accout so who cares :-). The winner can become queer, dosen't matter, it's all just plumbing.

    Q: Hi Pauly, You seem like a very inteligent person, my only question is ...Why?...Why are you doing something so crazy like selling your life...oh and if you dont want it, why in hells name should anyone else?...Straight up...oh and dont let the name fool you, i'm female!
    A: Hey this is nicael. First off, looks can be deceiving. second, who knows why people would want my life? Your guess is as good as mine? But to tell you the truth the life is pretty good but change is as good as a holiday, i hope.

    Q: hi i saw u on the news cool!!! ummmm..... why would u want to sell your life anyway?? What will u do when u sell it?? please answer my questions.... please.... p.s u seem cool!!
    A: Hey this is Nicael, i'm glad you liked the news report. personally i thought i came across as a bit of a tool(Damn), oh well can't be helped. My friend Bromo was ruling though. To tell you the truth i never thought it would actually sell, so it was a bit of a satirical comment on the comodification of contemporary life. Now im just sort of going with it and trying to enjoy the randomness of it all. I will probably use the publicity to try and send out a bit of an anti-corporation, anti-consumerism and anti-capitalist message. I think i'm going to make a comical doco showing a different way of living thats more relaxed and chilled, and the adjustment to such a life. Also i think introducing this new person to potential lovers will be hilarious. as long as i dont get deservingly hit.

    Q: If your nemesis wanted to murder you, will they be coming after me the new you or you the old me?
    A: f%%% i hope they come after you. i dont want to die yet, but my nemesis is not that kind of person. i hope.

    Q: Does this life come with any health issues? The previous 3 identities that I have taken on have not gone to well, as there have been varying degrees of health issues. This was mainly with a 65 year old grandmother’s identity which I had to switch from after 3 months. I need to check these things if this is going to possibly work.
    A: i have nothing but an infected piercing and leprosy.

    Q: Where are your piercings? They're not visable on picture...
    A: ones called an anti-eyebrow, it sits under the eye following the cheekbone. the other is like a verticle piercing that runs along the eyebrow.

    Q: But Paul, where will you go??
    A: Hey this is Nicael. i was thinking of making up a new persona, maybe the tormented, silent, enigma type. of course i'll have to make up a past to be tormented by. i was thinking i'll probably move up north a little way where it's a little more silent so i can brood.

    Q: Hi Nicael, Is there a money back guarantee? Just worried that my acrophobia will get in the way of my to be assumed intermediate climbing skills and my Kymophobia will get in the way of my future surfing skills. Ta, Steve
    A: Hi. Im afraid that my graphophobia makes me unable to answer this question....

    Q: Pauly is it house trained?
    A: Only when sober.

    Q: Has anyone ever told Nicael he looks like Sean Penn in this photo?
    A: Not that i am aware of..

    Q: Hi seller, I'm English if I win the bid... Can you provide fulkl training on adopting an Aussie accent?
    A: Yes we can provide training for the accent however that will only provide time for 4 jokes instead of 6. Thanks and happy bidding!

    Q: Hey Pauly! Do you want to swap lives with me? My life is pretty cruisy too. I live on the water, have a bludging job at which I play games all day, and I have alot of good looking girlfriends, who if you were me, you would enjoy checking out! What do ya reckon?
    A: Sorry no trades, but thanks for the interest and good luck!

    Q: Hi man, you have totally rad hair. How much for just the hair on the top of your coconut? At this present stage, they're the only hairs i'm interested in.
    A: Sorry its a package deal. But i don't think you'll be dissapointed as rumour has it that the curtains match the drapes.

    Q: Hi Pauly, I am very interested in your belongs and in such an extraordinary life but before I commit to buy could you please clarify something? Whatever the winning bid is, would it be OK to pay myself the full amount as technically I'd already have become you? Hope it makes sense?? Ta, Rogerio
    A: Hmmmm makes a bit too much sense.... Well i'm actually just the agent for the seller so any exchange of money will go through me to clear up any confusion. Hope this helps.

    Q: If I, as a female, win, do I get the appropriate male appendages included for the transition?
    A: No...

    Q: So do l get to keep your car and your house. Also does it have to be a legal binding contract written up by a solicitor
    A: Hi. I don't have a car and i'm renting. Ebay is a legally binding contract. If you feel more comfortable with a solicitor then arrangements can be made at your own expense. Good luck!

    Q: How much is postage (assuming a 80kg package surface mail)?
    A: Sorry pickup only....

    Q: I don't want your life but I may want your body and sense of humour.
    A: Hi. I have spoken to the seller and he stated that he appreciates all the interest, however he does not want his body treated like some kind of amusement park.

    Q: Hi,I'd like to wish you goodluck and say I can't keep my eyes off your beautiful pic. Honestly the way your jeans look on your perfect body is unbelievable. I guess it wouldn't be possible to have a contact email for you as I'd really like to say g'day sometime? I mean it really. One question, if the new you spends Christmas with your parents, where do you then fit in? Must the winner live in NSW? Take care.
    A: Hi. I have decided that my identity will be a dark and disturbed writer with many issues, and therefore christmas will most probably be spent in a basement alone, rocking back and forth whispering to myself incoherently. Winner can live anywhere but must provide own transport. Good Luck!

    Q: Is this life strictly available for 24 year olds or may 22 year olds apply?
    A: Hi and thanks for your interest. The only restiction is that the winner must be 18 or over as life does involve daily consumption of schooners at the local.

    Q: Hello Does the life come with any pets or children? Thank you
    A: Hi. The auction comes with 3 pets. A cockroach in the garage named "jimmy", a spider in the backyard named "fred" and a garden gnome in the vege gardem called "gnomey". Good luck and happy bidding!

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